ShittingA combination of re-decorating, tidying, and assembling flat-pack furniture has prevented me from writing my usual articles this week. It’ll be business as usual next week, but for now I thought I go for some light relief for you all to enjoy at the end of a hard week’s work. Some of these were given to me, others I made up. I didn’t quite make it to 50, so if any of you can help feel free to add a few suggestions.

STEPHEN’S TOTALLY SHIT GUIDE TO WORLDVIEWS

(1) Taoism: shit happens.
(2) Islam: Shit happens because it’s the will of Allah.
(3) Protestantism: shit happens if you don’t work hard enough.
(4) Catholicism: shit happens if you’e bad.
(5) Hinduism: this shit’s happened before.
(6) Atheism: no shit.
(7) Agnosticism: maybe shit happens maybe it doesn’t.
(8) Nihilism: meaningless shit.
(9) Natural Selectionism: survival of the shittest.
(10) Evolutionism: this shit’s getting better all the time.
(11) Creationism: in the beginning there was shit happening.
(12) Hare Krishna: shit happens rama rama.
(13) New Age: It’s shit for you, but not shit for me.
(14) Jehovah’s witnesses: knock knock shit happens.
(15) Mormonism: one day we will all be shit.
(16) Hedonism: there’s nothing like a good shit happening.
(17) Existentialism: Is this shit authentic?
(18) Fundamentalism: you must swallow our shit.
(19) Pessimism: I’ve never have a good shit.
(20) Rastafarianism: lets smoke this shit.
(21) Communism: everyone is equally shit.
(22) Empiricism: show me the shit.
(23) Skepticism: this shits not happening.
(24) Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us.
(25) Pantheism: everything is shit.
(26) Armageddonism: the shit has finally hit the fan.
(27) Social Darwinism: The best shit rises to the top.
(28) Feminism: our shit is as good as yours.
(29) Socialism: everyone is entitled to shit.
(30) Monarchism: we need a big shit.
(31) Republicanism: we don’t need a big shit.
(32) Sherlock Holmesism: Whenever you have eliminated the impossible, whatever is left, however improbable, must be shit.
(33) Star Trekkism 1: it’s shit Jim but not as we know it.
(34) Star Trekkism 2: To boldly shit were no one has shit before.
(35) Utilitarianism: The shit of the many outweighs the shit of the few.
(36) Exorcism: lets get rid of this shit.
(37) Satanism:ย scary shit.
(38) Freewillism: i’ll shit when I want to shit.
(39) Determinism: you’ll shit when your told.
(40) Buddhism: become one with the shit.
(41) Shakespeareanism: To shit or not to shit?
(42) Environmentalism: lets recycle all this shit.
(43) Animal Farm Communism: All men are created shit: but some are more shit than others.
(44) Jedi: may the shit be with you.

Any more?

Stephen